Did a Bad, Bad Thing.....

If we were meant to always do the right thing, why did Ceiling Cat invent alcohol, cigarettes and the beach? This is where I got into trouble.

You see, back on Labor Day I spent a lovely 3-day weekend with good friends at our family beach house at the Outer Banks of North Carolina. My friend Terri, a lovely, petite, fun-loving woman with enough energy to power NYC, gave my husband and I a lovely basket of goodies, including his favorite spiced rum, and my Blue Sapphire gin, as a thank you for having she and her husband accompany us to the beach house. The only time Terri smokes is when she is drinking, so sure enough, after we'd made our cocktails and settled onto the deck to enjoy the beachy night air, Terri lights up. She offers one to me and I say "What the hell, we're on vacation!" and accept one.

My husband gave me the stink-eye, so Terri told him to leave me alone. That smoking on vacation is like drinking on vacation. You don't drink in real-life like you do on vacation, right? So this is just a temporary vice.

Riiiiight.

I bought a pack of cigarettes on my way home from the beach...because in NC a pack costs only around $3.00!! I smoked about 4 out of the pack before gagging. I ended up giving the pack to a co-worker.

Two weeks later, I drove down to Charlottesville, VA to see a concert with a girlfriend, and to go to Monticello the next day. As I arrived in Charlottesville, I stopped for gas, and saw a sign "Camel Lights - $3.50." I swear to cheeses there was a parting of the clouds and a voice spoke to me. So I bought a pack.

Since then, I've smoked a pack a week. I know that's not too much really, but heavens to Betsy Ross, I'm supposed to be a fitness professional! I profess Wellness in my daily 9-to-5! And furthermore, I haven't come out to my husband that this has become a regular habit. I'm living a lie!! Ceiling Cat, help me!

By the way, I don't blame Terri at all for my fall from grace. I"m responsible for my own decisions and actions. She just provided the opportunity. I made a pact with another co-worker that this weekend I will quit. Since doing that, I'm noticing the Camel Lights are barking back at me...I've actually gagged on the smoke twice this week. This is a good thing.

That's What I'm Here For

"That's What I'm Here For: The Road To the Debut Album" features in studio video and footage of the creation of Jason Castro's new CD. Watch it. Buy it.

Emptying Nest

I remember once sitting in my front room on the floor, playing with my son. He was maybe two or three. I remember thinking, damn, this is gonna go by so fast and I want to remember this moment...right. now. always. And I started crying then. He reached his little hand up to my face and asked "you sad mommy?" and I said "sometimes mommy's cry because they're so happy and I'm crying because I'm so happy I have a wonderful little boy like you for a son"

So here I sit, 20 feet from that exact spot crying just like I did that day.



Just a little sentimental, huh?

My only baby...my son, will be going off to college in two days. I've tried very hard to cherish our moments together. I could write about 500,000 of those moments. And I've been okay, until this morning when I remembered that one moment.

Now, I am at once excited for his embarking on his independent life and a little melancholy and nostalgic for that little blonde boy with the little hand that used to reach up for mine when we'd cross the street. I'm gonna miss the smoochy sounds we made toward each other as one of us was leaving the house. I'll miss his silly homemade Halloween costumes, and all the times he dressed up when it wasn't Halloween. I'll miss his text to let me know he got somewhere safely, or that he was on his way home.

But I couldn't be more proud of him. He's grown into a handsome, caring, smart and independent young man. Just what I wanted him to be.



On the other hand, I just know that my next blog will be me complaining how he comes home just so I will do his dirty laundry. I think I'll work on cherishing those times too.

Look out Julia

So. Am I the only one who pretends she's taping a cooking show?

I like cooking. I do! It's not really about taking good, fresh ingredients and making something delicious, although that's a plus. What I like about cooking is the process of cooking...the planning, the gathering, the combining, the equipment, the fire.

For years I didn't realize how having good cooking equipment could make such a difference to your love of cooking. Then I got my first set of Calphalon...Oh Em Geee! I could have had a When Harry Met Sally moment right then and there. Then I discovered KitchenAid! Henckels! Cuisinart! Pampered Chef!! And it's not just the names....it's the tools like my favorite cutting board, tongs,and measuring spoons! Not to mention cooking shows, cooking websites, all the food porn magazines in the Market's checkout line! Heaven. All this stuff made cooking FUN!!

Look out, Julia!!

My friend Dani related a story to me about her trip to the beach last week. It's been raining in New England all summer. Finally, there was a beautiful summer day, so Dani decides to set out for the beach. She slathered on the sunscreen, and laid face down on her towel for a wonderful, sunbathed nap, only to wake up and find she'd been totally sunburned. OUCH!

I can't wrap my mind around the whole SPF thing. I mean, probably 90% of the suntan lotions on the market today are filled with carcinogens. Yet I've been reading for years about skin cancer being caused by the sun's burning rays. And yet again, just 20-minutes/day of sunshine gives you like 10,000 IUs of vitamin D, and it doesn't store in your fat cells and causing problems like it would if you took that much in supplements.

So....cancer from sunscreen or cancer from the sun? I'm thinking that for thousands of years people have lived under the sun..and were outside much more so than they are nowadays, and only in the recent 50 years or so this has become an issue. I'm thinking if you're moderate about how much sun you get, you don't need the fucking sunscreen. If you go to the beach and use sunscreen and still burn, like my friend Dani did last week, then you've just doubled your chances of getting skin cancer.

Happy Father's Day

My dad was not a very good parent. He's amazingly charismatic and people are drawn to him without him ever trying to get attention. He's tall, dark and handsome, has beautiful eyes, a charming smile and the ability to laugh at himself. Plus he's a natural story-teller. He never, ever disciplined us...that' was mom's job. He was away a lot of the time. He was distracted much of the time. But when he was home, I was with him. I spent as much time as possible working outside with him in the yard. He taught me how to ride my horse, and how to play guitar. After my parent divorced, we didn't see him much at all.

One of my fondest memories was spending the summer of my 16th year with him in So. Cal. where he lived. My sisters are still bitter about the way he treated my mom, and probably because he was never much of a father to us. As my dad has aged, he's mellowed and he regrets not spending time with us and never really knowing us when we were younger...which of course has led to not knowing us very well as adults either. When I got married at aged 25, I made a decision to have a relationship with my dad, whether he was gonna try or not. It's paid off. Once Taylor was born, I worked harder at keeping him in touch with us. Now, he adores Taylor and they have a lot in common (a love of History, war stories, and music) and have easy conversations.

He's tried really hard to get to know our kids...me and my younger sister have forged adult relationships with he and his wife. My older sister never calls him and doesn't return his calls.

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My stepfather is an amazing, wonderful, grounded man. He's been a faithful husband to my mom for 25 years. He's a loving father and dotes on all his grandkids and stepgrandkids. He's a handyman and always fixes stuff when he visits (we save stuff up for him so he doesn't get bored). I love his New England accent. When we all vacationed in Cancun for my 20th anniversary party, Ronnie and I went snorkling together...just the two of us. It was the most bonding, alone time we'd ever spent and it was awesome.

Now I'm tearing up. I need to call these wonderful men who helped raise me and make me into the woman who's raised an amazing son as a result of their influence.

Wish I was there

Michael is in Mexico with his best friend from college. Taylor has been in Ocean City all week. And I've been babysitting the dogs and working as usual. Woe is me.
But don't pity. I have big plans for this summer...plans that include lots of music with friends. Stay tuned.